I'm not sure how I feel about GoFundMe. I love that people are getting the essential funds for their business and/or charity, but I also feel that too much money is wasted on bad ideas and people who don't deserve help. I remember a friend of a friend of mine posted a GoFundMe asking people to help him out with living expenses because he was out of a job and his disability checks ran dry. Usually I would have sympathy, but this guy also drove around in a $60,000 convertable like a hot shot. Sorry, I'm not helping you with finances when your car is worth four times as much as mine. Additionally, I'm bothered by GoFundMe's policy against crowdfunding abortions. I would love nothing more than to help a woman terminate her pregnancy directly, especially considering that my Planned Parenthood donations are used to pay someone to write me letters begging me for more money. However, GoFundMe has decided to be a pain in the ass. So I decided to scour GoFundMe to find pages that I deem unnecessary. Yeah, I know that the title is misleading, these are pages you should not give money to. Clickbait titles sure are annoying, aren't they?
The Good App
If you're too lazy to watch the video, all the app does is give people points for smiling at strangers, giving compliments, making the bed, and inspiring people. So it's basically Tinder + GoFundMe, but instead of getting money you get Facebook likes. ZzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzz. It pains me to hate on entrepreneurs, because I love when people work and take the risk to start new businesses. But holy shit is this app stupid. Smile at a stranger? I think I'll pass. The only thing that smiling at strangers will accomplish is a restraining order, which isn't worth karma or any bullshit brownie points.
"I challenge myself to give someone a compliment." Why? What's the point of complimenting someone if it's forced? Compliments should come from the heart, when someone actually means what they're saying. People shouldn't compliment others for the sake of inflating their Good App score so that they can feel proud of themselves. Doing so cheapens the compliment. Imagine someone saying something nice to you, only to discover that they said it to simply increase their Good App stats. Would you honestly believe that the gesture was genuine? This app is for nobody other than narcissists who want everyone to see how well they've behaved. They might as well call it the Suck Your Own Dick App - After you've earned enough karma points, you get to reward yourself by sucking your own dick.
If you need an app the challenge yourself to be good, then you're probably a piece of shit in the first place. Good people who have principles don't need constant reassurance to know that they're good people. It would be like if someone were to only wear shirts saying "I donated to charity" so that they can boast to their peers about how much money they give away. Nobody gives a shit. Not to mention, people might have different standards of what "good" is. I can only imagine an ISIS soldier having this app, and giving himself brownie points for beheading a homosexual. Shit, Hitler might have set the world record for Good App points by patting himself on the back for the millions of people he killed. Inspiration can easily backfire if you're inspiring the wrong person.
What a brilliant investment: A museum displaying a collection of toys based on a crappy British show that too many people enjoy. Seriously, I don't get Dr. Who and why it's so god damn popular. Whenever I watch this rubbish, I pray that SkyNet sends a T-1000 back in time to decapitate Dr. Who with his liquid metal boner, thus ending the show forever. But now someone wants to expand a museum based on a show about time travel? Here's an idea: If you love time travel so much, go to a history museum. After all, that's how Greenfield Village was built - Henry Ford wanted to create a city based on a time period he grew up in and adored. So Ford had numerous buildings, farms, and shops (including the Wright Brother's bicycle shop and a courthouse that Abraham Lincoln worked in) from all over the country physically moved to Dearborn, MI for his own personal enjoyment. That's some fuck you money right there. But even amazing museums such as The Henry Ford and Greenfield Village struggle to attract visitors. Here's a conversation I had a week ago with my girlfriend after explaining how excited I am to show her The Henry Ford this summer.
Her: What's so special about the Henry Ford Museum? There's a car museum in LA. Me: Yeah, but the Henry Ford has a lot of amazing artifacts. Like the Rosa Parks bus, the car that President Kennedy was shot in, and old trains and planes and all kinds of shit. Her: So?
If the average person couldn't care less about seeing the only car to ever carry the President's splattered brain, why would anyone give a damn about looking at toys and merchandise from one specific television program?
Judging by the words "Magic Bus" and a drawing which appears to be fourth-grade level artwork, I naturally assumed that this was a cute page posted by children. That assumption was shattered with the following sentence:
So yes, this is a GoFundMe posted by adults. Very. Mature. Adults.
And finally.
This seriously sounds like an assignment that was put together by an eleven year-old at the last minute because he spent the entire night jacking off to Kelly Kapowski from "Saved by the Bell" instead of doing his homework. This bus is not only unfeasible, it's stupid. A mobile art gallery and recording studio that you can go camping with? Nobody has ever lost sleep because they laid awake in their tent thinking "Man, I really wish I could record some songs right now". I've never once sat around and thought "Ugh! I really want to look at paintings, but I'm not in the mood to go anywhere. If there was only a mobile art gallery that could meet my demands!" Also notice how they mention "following cyclists" and taking them along on camping trips. Who in their right mind would hop on a "Magic Bus" after being followed by it? The more I think about it, the more this sounds like a glorified rape van. The only "magic" that happens is when you wake up in the woods not knowing how you got there, while you wonder why your anus hurts. This GoFundMe has over $1000 in donations. What a waste. Perhaps they could help our next GoFundMe with a few rides.
I have a better idea: Let's help Jonathan get laid. For real, this kid looks like he's in serious need of poon. Instead of a car, someone should setup a GoFundMe on behalf of Jonathan for some facial piercings and tattoos. Maybe some steroids, a guitar, or a motorcycle. Whatever edge Jonathan needs to inspire girls to spread their legs. For the love of God. Speaking of God -
Well praying clearly hasn't fixed Jonathan's situation. Which makes me wonder: Either God isn't real, or it's God's plan for Jonathan to not have a car. After all, Jesus and all of the people in the New Testament didn't have cars. So why should Jonathan get one? Maybe if Jonathan stopped wasting time at church (an institution that doesn't seem to have enough sympathy to donate to his cause) on Sundays and picked up a job, he could save up $1000 to buy the next piece of junk that will undoubtedly fail on him.
So let me get this straight, you want me to donate money so that I can come watch you pole dance for an hour? If I want to watch women pole dance, I'll just pay cover at my local gentleman's club and watch all of the pole dancing I please. Those shows are a lot more fun, because women wear less clothes and are often on drugs, so there's no telling what might happen. It's the same reason why rednecks fill up stadiums for NASCAR races - They want to see awesome collisions. Nobody goes to strip clubs for the dancing or the boobs, we're just waiting for a coked-out whore to fall off the pole and break her neck.
